I work very hard and am attending college to obtain my degree in the Human Service field. Writing makes me feel alive and gives me the opportunity to touch those whom I would not be able to otherwise. Last but not least, I have been blessed with two amazing daughters who love me completely and support my dreams. Feel free to contact me with questions, concerns or feedback.
Within a womb, a developing fetus receives nutrition. Positive or negative, the new creation thrives on whatever he or she receives from his birth mother.
After delivery each child requires so much more than simple cravings. He or she is now placed into the arms of the parent or parents who may or may not have been prepared for this blessing.
The maternal or paternal instinct of either parent may not be present. He or she may not have been emotionally, mentally or spiritually prepared to sacrifice for one, much less 18 plus years. This may eventually change and grow over time, yet if it does not, that child is left to starve. He or she will take steps to fill the voids necessary in order to survive.
Children who are void regarding emotional needs will reach out initially towards other adults or friends. It is a normal action due to the fact that we are born to bond. We desire to feel loved, important and special.
Many who fail to realize that such needs were not met will attempt to fill in many different ways. Alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, internet or sex, each in and of itself is the norm. It is a direction to avoid facing the truth. It is a way to numb the pain, if even for a moment.
As a child, I was starved within my home. My father provided financially, yet failed to hug, kiss, embrace or build us up regarding affirmations. My mother was a "do as I say" type of woman. I recall very few times when we were physically close or I felt emotionally safe. I utilized books, poems and initially friends as my way to avoid the truth. Eventually the void was filled with boys, dating and short or long term relationships, internet and many others.
It wasn't until recent that I realized, through counseling, that the voids within my home were not fault of myself. I began to realize that some simply cannot love because they do not love nor have they experienced unconditional love themselves. I have now come to know that I am a loving, kind, caring, compassionate person who must believe in herself in order to survive in this dog eat dog world.
I have talked with many women who, like me, did not feel loved in their childhood home. We have a connection, bond and finally have come to realize that we are not alone. Each one of us has used our own survival skills and have come to know love through our own children or friends. It is because of our own experiences that we pray and desire that our children never feel rejected or unloved. We do things different, as our parents did and believe we are hitting the mark and making progress for change.
What are our survival skills? Shopping, sex, food, alcohol, drugs, internet, dating, etc. We have used different avenues attempting to forget, numb and get through just one more day. It is not until we admit, open up and seek counseling that we begin the healing process. It is not an easy road, but when one chooses this route, it allows us to begin a road more traveled.
Admitting the route, out loud, to friends or therapists is initially shameful. It is not acceptable or womanly to do anything less than right. Family members would rather shove the truth under the rug than admit that the perfect family has one or more bad apples. Let's cover it up, pretend it's not happening, or, simply walk on eggshells until it goes away.
I am on my way. I am not perfect and have never claimed to be. I am doing my best in a world which shames women who have and will walk in my shoes.
We are your daughter, sister, aunt, niece, mom, granddaughter, cousin and best friend. We mean no harm to you, we are simply doing our best to walk through this life with the minimum amount of drama and chaos. Love us, believe in us and support us.
My life is my own, as is yours. Each one of us will face challenges based on our childhood experiences. There is no such thing as the Crosbys or Cleavers. We are simply placed here, left to deal with individuals who may or (more often) may not agree with our choices. Recognize your shortcomings, admit your pain and do the hard work to break free and live the life you deserve.